People that would be inappropriate dates when invited to a wedding “plus guest.”

• my mom
• a 6-year-old child
• my doorman (in uniform)
• someone whom I've kissed, but whose name I do not know
• someone who speaks only a language that I do not speak
• an attention-hogging celebrity
• my grandfather
• a live-blogger
• a reality tv star with a proclivity for ass-grabbing
• a prostitute
• a camera crew
• my stenographer
• the bride's ex-boyfriend
• a blind date
• a man in a chef's outfit
• Cat Power
• my boss
• a krump dancer
• the cab driver who drove me to the affair